An Honest Confession in the Face of a World Gone Wrong

Compassionate Love: Displaying compassion for those who struggle with mental illness   (c)2015 Nancy Virden

Today I woke with such a heavy spirit. It weighed me down, making sitting up in bed a chore. From experience I knew this would not be an easy day and that the disease of major depression would yank at my sleeve from morning to night.

One might say there is good reason for depression. An upcoming major move with no guaranteed housing or set income, a pending divorce, another book release, a son who is angry and hurt over the split of his parents, preparing goodbyes, and unresolved betrayals have shaken the emotional floorboards under my feet.

I’m irrationally questioning whether the last 33 years (the length of my marriage) are being erased as if I never existed all that time. Did I do anyone any good? Memories of past mistakes and wrongdoings shout, “give up!” and “you can’t!” until I am doubtful anything I have to offer the world is enough or ever will be.

Everyone who has ever lived has suffered. For many who are gone now, happiness as I might define it was elusive. Let’s face it, people can be false. Anyone can be judged and misunderstood. The world keeps turning and there is always pain.

So what is the point of hoping? Why bother with this life?

Because this is not the end of forever, that’s why.

God deemed it important for us to be here, to struggle, to experience some joy along the way- but ultimately to live with him without ever saying goodbye. This life is the one chance we have to surrender to God and believe on his Son Jesus for salvation.

I know no permanent hope here on earth outside of the cross and what Jesus did for me there. Forgiveness and mercy are at the cross. All the second chances are at the cross. Hope for a better tomorrow and a perfect forever is at the cross.

An added perk for this life is that I am never truly alone. Walking and talking with the Savior is where I find peace on a day like today.


NOTE: I am not a doctor or mental health professional. I speak only from personal experiences with and observations of mental illness. In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental health care.

If you are struggling emotionally today or feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Hope and help can be yours.

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