All posts by Nancy Virden

About Nancy Virden

Struggles with Major Depression have ultimately led to a life of joy I didn't believe was possible. The goal of Always the Fight Ministries is to bring hope to the hopeless and encouragement to their supports.

The Day Our Battles Were Won

Compassionate Love: Displaying Compassion for Those Who Struggle with Mental Illness or Abuse  (c)2019 Nancy Virden, Always The Fight Ministries

sky sunset person silhouette
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Easter Sunday, some call it Resurrection Sunday, is the day on which Christianity hinges. Well, not actually the day, but rather the Lord, who rose from the dead on that day 2000 years ago.

Jesus had been betrayed, arrested, beaten, crucified, and buried on Friday.  Early on Sunday morning, some women disciples went to the tomb only to discover he was no longer there!

One in particular, Mary of Magdala, met the resurrected Jesus. At first she mistook the Savior of the world for a gardener. When Jesus called her by name, she knew.

He sent her to tell the 12 main disciples. Mary of Magdala was the first evangelist in history.

Think on that for a moment. What we know of Mary the Magdalene is that Jesus cast seven demons out of her. She was not someone our modern churches might first think of when choosing a representative. However, Jesus did.

To be clear, despite some famous secularized books, movies, and nonsense guesses, Jesus had no girlfriend.  Mary the Magdalene was one of thousands of people Jesus healed in his ministry. Many believed in him. Many walked with him on his travels. Many more did not.

Jesus lived a sinless life. How? He was God’s only birth-son. He was filled with the Holy Spirit from the moment he became an embryo. In a mystery we cannot understand, Jesus was fully God and fully man.

When sinless Jesus died on the cross, he took on his body, mind, and spirit the sins of everyone who would ever live who would trust him as their Savior and spiritual king. He carried the cumulative guilt with which we pummel ourselves and others. He felt the deep darkness of our shame By that, he defeated the father of lies, the accuser. 

Once we sincerely ask Jesus to be our Savior and ask forgiveness for our sin, the devil (yes, Satan is real),  tries to heap all that back on us. As the chief of liars and a skilled accuser,  if he can bury us under guilt and shame we will never reach the potential Jesus created in us.

When Jesus rose to life again, he wiped out our powerlessness against the devil’s strategies. He defeated death itself, and set us free to place our hope in eternal life.

No wonder Mary of Magdala wept when she saw him alive again. We can, if we will, drop the guilt and shame of our past and move forward as children of the King.  This is not to say that a believer’s life will be easy. 

The 12 disciples reacted to Mary’s report with doubt. They had to look for themselves to see if what she claimed was real. Jesus said, “Blessed are those who believe and yet do not see.”

You do not have to run and search for proof of anything.  Faith is not sight.  Jesus will reveal himself to you if you choose to take him at his word.

Easter is the day Jesus won all our battles.

Today’s Helpful Word  

Hebrews 2:14-18

Because God’s children are human beings—made of flesh and blood—the Son also became flesh and blood. For only as a human being could he die, and only by dying could he break the power of the devil, who had the power of death.  Only in this way could he set free all who have lived their lives as slaves to the fear of dying.

 We also know that the Son did not come to help angels; he came to help the descendants of Abraham.  Therefore, it was necessary for him to be made in every respect like us, his brothers and sisters,  so that he could be our merciful and faithful High Priest before God. Then he could offer a sacrifice that would take away the sins of the people. Since he himself has gone through suffering and testing, he is able to help us when we are being tested.

 

**** COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME

NOTE:  I am not a doctor or mental health professional. I speak only from personal experiences with and observations of mental and behavioral health challenges.  In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

If you are struggling emotionally today or feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or for a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S.  (for international emergency numbers, go here ), or go to your nearest emergency room. Do not be alone. Hope and help are yours.

 

 

Maundy Thursday: Say No to Ritualistic Religious Acts – Jesus Showed Us the Better Way

Compassionate Love: Displaying Compassion for Those Who Struggle with Mental Illness or Abuse  (c)2019 Nancy Virden, Always The Fight Ministries

feet on sand
Photo by Luis Quintero on Pexels.com

The first time I heard of Maundy Thursday I thought someone was confused about the day of the week! Today commemorates the Last Supper and Jesus washing the feet of 12 disciples.

Eww. Washing other people’s feet?  2000 years ago, people walked everywhere. Jesus walked hundreds if not thousands of miles on foot, traveling from town to town in Israel, preaching and healing the sick.

You can imagine then how sandals would become filthy and the wearer’s feet as well. It was custom, polite, good manners, and classy to wash a guest’s feet when they entered your home. Generally, it was a servant who would do the actual washing.

On this evening, Jesus and his disciples were in the upper room of a home that did not belong to any of them. Perhaps this is why no one had taken the responsibility to wash anyone’s feet, I do not know. Jesus knew he was about to be betrayed to death, he knew he would not be with these men much longer.

To set a lasting example of how he wanted believers to love each other, he knelt and washed everyone’s feet. As the leader, the teacher and Lord of this small cluster of ordinary humans, no one expected him to do the dirty work.

That was his point exactly.

Jesus left a legacy of humility and servant-leadership for us to copy. When he was done, he said to the group, “Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet.”

He meant those specific men to take on the humble role of foot-washers, and to maintain a servant attitude as their fame and ministries grew. This was not a command for believers of all time to wash each other’s feet in a ritual that bears little practical meaning.

woman staring through window
Photo by David Cassolato on Pexels.com

Jesus was saying if we see that another of his followers needs something, we are to step off our high-horse, so to speak, and meet that need if we can. He commanded we show no favoritism, whether to the rich or the poor.  Throughout his ministry he equalized the value of women and men, Jew and Roman, children and adults,  and the marginalized with those society loved.

He went on to give his life. How much more can we do easy things like offering rides, or sitting with a lonely person, applying our skills to free services, or giving food or money to those in need?

In honor of Jesus, on this Maundy Thursday we can do better than wash each other’s feet.

Today’s Helpful Word  

John 13: 3-5 

 Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God;  so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist.  After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.

**** COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME

NOTE:  I am not a doctor or mental health professional. I speak only from personal experiences with and observations of mental and behavioral health challenges.  In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

If you are struggling emotionally today or feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or for a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S.  (for international emergency numbers, go here ), or go to your nearest emergency room. Do not be alone. Hope and help are yours.

 

 

Betrayal, and Moving Past It

Compassionate Love: Displaying Compassion for Those Who Struggle with Mental Illness or Abuse  (c)2019 Nancy Virden, Always The Fight Ministries

green palm tree leaf
Photo by Jonas Von Werne on Pexels.com

Of course today begins Easter week 2019. This particular Sunday is called Palm Sunday. It commemorates a day 2000 years ago when a man entered Jerusalem surrounded by cheers and applause, only to be betrayed to death 4 days later.

When Jesus, who had proven to be a miracle worker, showed up in Jerusalem this particular Sunday, he was already famous. He had healed people, cast out demons, and even raised a few persons back to life after they had been dead for a while.  Naturally then, he was big news.

A Messiah, or “anointed one” had been promised by prophets for thousands of years. The nation of Israel in Jesus’ day was occupied by the Roman Empire. Jewish citizens expected the Messiah to free them from this oppressive rule.

Many people believed Jesus was the promised Messiah (which he was). Problem is, most   had no clue what he was talking about when he preached about an eternal kingdom. They thought he was their new political and military king.

This is why they cheered and threw palm branches on the ground when he entered Jerusalem.

A few days later, he was arrested when one of his own disciples betrayed him. The happy crowd turned on him too. He wasn’t meeting their short-sighted expectations.

Isn’t it awful when a person holds unreasonable expectations of you and then turns on you because you do not meet them? This happens in many a divorce, I am sure.

My first reaction in such situations is hurt, swiftly followed by anger. Unfortunately, the anger tends to stick around. Anger keeps me justified. I can continue to blame the other person for being a jerk while exonerating myself of all wrong.  This does not help!

There is a better way.

The healthier and more beneficial way is to talk it out with someone in the know. Honestly considering my role in any fallout is actually healing. I can forgive myself for real instead of imaginary mistakes, and make amends if it is appropriate. Either way, life moves along.*

Jesus’ response to betrayal was not angry.  He gave up his own life – no one took it. His reason for doing so was anything but suicide by Roman Soldier. He died, literally, so we may find life. More on this on Maundy Thursday and Easter Sunday, this week.

Today’s Helpful Word  

John 12:12-14 

The next day the great crowd that had come for the festival heard that Jesus was on his way to Jerusalem. They took palm branches and went out to meet him, shouting,

“Hosanna!”

“Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!”

“Blessed is the king of Israel!”

*Domestic abuse and child abuse are products of unrealistic expectations. If you have been so betrayed, I want to encourage you to not remain a victim. Speak up. explain what you can and cannot do. IF THIS IS A DANGEROUS IDEA, DON’T.  Instead, tell someone else who is in a position to help. I offer many options on my resources page, The Truth About Abuse.

**** COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME

NOTE:  I am not a doctor or mental health professional. I speak only from personal experiences with and observations of mental and behavioral health challenges.  In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.
If you are struggling emotionally today or feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or for a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.
If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S.  (for international emergency numbers, go here ), or go to your nearest emergency room. Do not be alone. Hope and help are yours.

 

 

Life balance: If you need wisdom, ask…

Compassionate Love: Displaying Compassion for Those Who Struggle with Mental Illness or Abuse  (c)2019 Nancy Virden, Always The Fight Ministries

pexels-photo-260907

A Frenchman,  looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting. “Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?” he tries. The Americans stare at him.

“Parlare Italiano?” No response. “Hablan ustedes Espanol?” Still nothing. The Frenchman drives away.

The first American turns to the second and says, “Y’know, maybe we should learn a foreign language.”

“Why?” says the other. “That guy knew three languages, and it didn’t do him any good!”

I guess it is okay for me to make dumb-American jokes since I am one. American, I mean. Uh hmm.

Big decisions, even if they seem small to other people, are stressful. To know the better and best way to go, asking the one with the answers makes sense!

James 1:5-8 “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do.”

When I’ve asked God for direction, resulting confusion means I do not like his answer. Waiting for the other eeny to make moe leaves me perplexed.  Lack of inner peace, tells me I’m not following his guidance.

Obedience to God simply means trusting him to have the best answers, and taking his word for it. If a choice to become involved or not in a person’s life or in a cause or service project has you worrying about the cost of time, energy, emotions, etc., pause to answer the following questions.

Grounding questions

  1. What is your goal? Positive, meaningful connections need validation, love that acts, and sincere, non-critical acceptance. Are you providing these things in relationships? Are you too busy to connect meaningfully with people in your sphere?
  2. How will accepting another role affect your family? Self-sacrifice without considering others who will be affected may be ego-centric.  Do we have the right to force sacrifice on unwilling family members?
  3. Ephesians 6:7 “Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people…” People may be assuming, begging, or sweetly inviting you to participate in their vision. Some have a great plan for your life! Do you know what is God’s will?
  4. Ask, is this act of service in YOUR wheelhouse?
  5. What role do you play in this person’s life, or in this service project?
  6. Are you balancing self-care and rest with self-sacrifice? Rest without self-care may be a symptom of depression. Self-care without any self-sacrifice could be selfishness.  Self-sacrifice without rest or self-care is possibly martyrdom.
  7. Are you setting “boundaries” out of apathy or avoidance?  Do you consider Proverbs 3:27, “Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to act”?
  8. Are you over-committed now?

Here are a few options for over-commitment

→ add a time limit to your commitment      → gather a team to finish faster     → change the duty to suit your yeses (different time/day, etc)      → delegate a replacement person    → pay for it to be done by someone else     → Say, “This is more than I thought I was signing up for”     → Say, “This is interfering with other obligations (or health)”     → bite the bullet, take responsibility for over-promising, and walk away     →count your financial and time investment as loss and move on

Today’s Helpful Word  

Acts 6:2,3 – delegating

In those days when the number of disciples was increasing, [some Jews who were active in Greek culture] among them complained against the [traditional] Jews because their widows were being overlooked in the daily distribution of food. So the Twelve gathered all the disciples together and said, “It would not be right for us to neglect the ministry of the word of God in order to wait on tables. Brothers and sisters, choose seven men from among you who are known to be full of the Spirit and wisdom. We will turn this responsibility over to them.

 

***** COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME

 

NOTE:  I am not a doctor or mental health professional. I speak only from personal experiences with and observations of mental and behavioral health challenges.  In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

If you are struggling emotionally today or feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or for a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S.  (for international emergency numbers, go here ), or go to your nearest emergency room. Do not be alone. Hope and help are yours.

If Someone is Hurting You, Does He or She Love You?

Compassionate Love: Displaying Compassion for Those Who Struggle with Mental Illness or Abuse  (c)2013 Nancy Virden, Always The Fight Ministries

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In Christine’s search for love,  trouble never had difficulty finding her. She fell for the lie of love from strangers and family. Finally she married a man who said his love was for forever, yet even then was knowingly deceitful.

Is it any wonder Christine does not know what real love is?

Love is not, Love is

Love is not a claim of love. Love is not warm fuzzy feelings.

Love is a choice to care about another person.  Love is an action, it is truth, it never fails.

That is not to say we do not let loved ones down. We will because we are human. Love is a continuous desire to not fail, and does not disappear when times are rough. Love stops doing what is wrong and learns to do what is right.

Fuzzy warm feelings may disintegrate; love will remain. It may look different, but is active and true. For example,  a broken marriage does not have to end in bitterness.

Love is not martyrdom or playing the doormat. It is not giving someone everything they want. Love stands up for what is best.

3 test cases

(1) Her husband calls. Audrey hesitates to answer the phone because she knows what will come of it. Her unemployed status has disappointed him. He will assume the position of her boss by informing her exactly how she is failing.   

Does he love her?

(2) Andrew  ducks every time he walks through that door.  His mother used to hide behind it and swat him when he returned from school.  She passed away last year, and the duty of cleaning up her estate fell to him. Even after several months he continues to  tense for a sprint at the sight of that door.  

Did she ever love him?

(3) Anna  enjoys her adult children and rejoices in their independence. She made mistakes as a parent,  yet was willing to listen to her children’s points of view.   No one had been swatted from behind doors, or insulted for mistakes. She grins as she recalls all the spilled milk.  No one had been made to feel a fool.

Did she, does she love them?

My opinion: According to a professional source, the first two stories are examples of people loving the best they know how. I disagree. Story three matches that description better.

I am not willing to call abuse love at all. While no one loves perfectly, love is not selfish. Damaging behavior committed in a reckless and thoughtless manner is selfish. Not considering another person’s pain (or joys) is selfish.

Warm fuzzy feelings may come and go, yet ignoring a person’s plea to stop treating them a certain way because it hurts them,  is definitely selfish.

What do you think? 

Today’s Helpful Word  

Romans 13: 8-10

 The commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not covet,” and whatever other command there may be, are summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Love does no harm to a neighbor…

Biblical definition of love           In Christ we are loved forever

God’s love in our dark times 

 

***** COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME

 

NOTE:  I am not a doctor or mental health professional. I speak only from personal experiences with and observations of mental and behavioral health challenges.  In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

If you are struggling emotionally today or feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or for a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S.  (for international emergency numbers, go here ), or go to your nearest emergency room. Do not be alone. Hope and help are yours.

*all names have been changed

Take Charge of Those Pesky Negative Thoughts

Compassionate Love: Displaying Compassion for Those Who Struggle with Mental Illness or Abuse  (c)2015 Nancy Virden, Always The Fight Ministries

closeup photo of woman in white shirt and pants
Photo by Min An on Pexels.com

Have you ever walked past your bed and thought, “I could use a nap”? It is possible you were not even tired before that thought occurred.

We do have control over what thoughts dominate our mind. Some of our thinking events are just habit, and like any habit, they can be exchanged for new ones. 

Think of a thought habit you do not want. If you will take the time to complete this exercise, I believe you will be surprised at the positive outcome.

Make the exchange

1) What consistent triggering event do you experience? (Example: Your mood drops when you sit on the edge of the bed in the morning,)

(2) What is your brain suggesting to you during this triggering event?  What are you thinking? (Example: “Now I have to go to work and face…” or “I don’t have anything to wear I’ll look good in.”)

(3)What is your thought habit? (Example: Associating this moment and seat with stress or negative self-talk.)

(4) What thought habit would you prefer? (Example: Associating this moment and seat with the power to make life better.)

(5) What decision do you want to make? (Example:  “I want to feel better in the morning and will exchange this thought habit.”)

(6) How will you make your exchange? Be creative with your senses and apply what you know brightens your mood. Here are some ideas.

(a)Change the environment.  (Redecorate the area; move the bed.)

(b)Change the context.  (Make this the spot for foot rubs, saying prayers, reading, or calling friends.)

(c)Change the  atmosphere. (Keep the room cheery by opening windows; invest in a coffee maker that starts before you do so you wake to the scent)

(d)Use grounding techniques that help keep your mind on the facts. (Place on the nightstand a list of accomplishments or positive affirmations from other people)

(7) Make a quality decision for when you will start. (Example: I will buy the coffee maker after work; I will write down the positives people say about me today.)

(8) What is the first action you will take next time this triggering event occurs? (Example: Read the list.)

If  you take charge of your thought life,  more happiness will greet you in the morning.

Today’s Helpful Word  

Philippians 4:8 

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

***** COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME

 

NOTE:  I am not a doctor or mental health professional. I speak only from personal experiences with and observations of mental and behavioral health challenges.  In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

If you are struggling emotionally today or feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or for a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S.  (for international emergency numbers, go here ), or go to your nearest emergency room. Do not be alone. Hope and help are yours.

When Anxiety Greets You in the Morning

woman holding her jacket
Photo by Leandro Vendramini on Pexels.com

Have you noticed that anxiety sometimes works its way up slowly, barely detectable until you notice life isn’t functioning so well?  Then other times it comes in like a pack of wild dogs, snarling and eager to take you down.

Recently, It’s been hitting me in the mornings- before I even open my eyes. I’m thinking this cannot be worry because I was asleep! 

A therapist said once that if we will take the time to look closely we will see there is indeed a starting point to our current mood.  

Since mid-February I’ve been preparing to speak four times at a women’s retreat the first weekend in May. They want me to tell my story.  Generally, my preparation style is to write out many details and various ideas on the topic.  Editing makes the final product sensible and uplifting.  

For the last 6 weeks I have been going over and over the long-ago past, not to share a sob story, but to bring out the hope, healing, and joy of it.  The audience will not hear half of what I’ve written as the speeches  are trimmed and shaped.  

It’s a process that this time, has been taking me down a dark and ugly memory lane. At first I was frustrated, hating this ancient review of situations long forgiven and overcome. Once the gathering of ideas was complete,  I thought it would start to be more fun, adding the positive and inspirational parts. It is surprising how much unwanted feelings are stirring.

It’s not that I am depressed, hurt all over again, or even struggling with the memories themselves.  It is the anxiety of having to write it down, and pick and choose what is important to the point. This forces me to read old tales again and again.

Not. Liking. This.

It explains though, doesn’t it, why I wake up in  the morning feeling anxious?  Add normal anxiety about public speaking, an approaching deadline, and well, discomfort makes sense. 

I’ve tried anti-anxiety medications. They happen to not have much of an effect on me, although I have witnessed other people thrive with this medical help.  The calm I find (and might I add joy) when anxiety seems to have a mind of its own, is to sit down, open the Bible, read for awhile and pray for awhile. 

This result is because God’s Word is powerful and touches the deepest regions of a willing heart. 

Oh, how simple solutions are occasionally! If you are like me, anxiety in the moment seems as if that is all there is and ever will be. Then anxiety about having anxiety kicks in. Solutions do not appear simple at all. 

I have two more weeks of writing and editing, then reviewing. I know that I know these talks are going to encourage many women with hope and peace of mind. The work is definitely worth it!

Meanwhile, I refuse worst-case scenarios, and focus on Jesus who has always had my back  when I feel weak.  Part of my story is the day I discovered God is not a tyrant, but tenderly cares about me, his cherished daughter. 

Today’s Helpful Word  

John 14:27 

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.   -Jesus

***** COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME

 

NOTE:  I am not a doctor or mental health professional. I speak only from personal experiences with and observations of mental and behavioral health challenges.  In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

If you are struggling emotionally today or feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or for a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S.  (for international emergency numbers, go here ), or go to your nearest emergency room. Do not be alone. Hope and help are yours.

What is True Love? Not This…

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Every form of abuse is about power and control. True love is about mutual respect and honor.

PLAYGROUND BULLY: I’ll punch you if you don’t give me your iPhone.

PHYSICAL ABUSER: I’ll punch you where no one will see the bruises, act the hero, and tell everyone you’re crazy if you try to talk about it. No need to give me the iPhone.

SEXUAL ABUSER: I’ll hurt you and have fun doing it, then you’ll know your worth is bound in how you satisfy me. I own you and your iPhone.

VERBAL ABUSER: You &%#$! Give me the iPhone you little piece of $%&! Oh, you can’t give me the phone because you’re a nobody. You’re worthless.

EMOTIONAL ABUSER: Give me your iPhone because if you do not I will not love you. If you want it back you have to give me what I want or I won’t love you.

FINANCIAL ABUSER:  Your money is mine. My money is mine. I will decide how much you can keep or spend.  iPhone? You don’t need an iPhone because I want a new set of golf clubs.

SPIRITUAL ABUSER: If you do not follow the religious guidelines I made for you, you will go to hell. Guideline one: give me your iPhone.

Today’s Helpful Word  

1 Corinthians 13: 4, 5

 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered…”

 

***** COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME

 

NOTE:  I am not a doctor or mental health professional. I speak only from personal experiences with and observations of mental and behavioral health challenges.  In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

If you are struggling emotionally today or feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or for a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S.  (for international emergency numbers, go here ), or go to your nearest emergency room. Do not be alone. Hope and help are yours.

Living With an Addicted Person is Crazy-Making Until You Say “No More”

Compassionate Love Blog: Displaying compassion for those who struggle with mental illness   (c)2013 Nancy Virden,  Always the Fight MInistries

people sitting in front of wooden table
Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

“You’ve been drinking again.”

“No, I haven’t.”

“But I found a water bottle in the back of the bathroom cupboard filled with vodka.”

“That’s just water!”

“Oh… ok, it’s just water.”

It is not only those with an addiction who have a problem. Spouses, friends, and other family members jump through figurative hoops trying to make sense of lies while wanting to trust. No one wants to play the fool, yet disbelieving all the time hurts too.

**********

“You’ve been watching porn.”

“No.”

“I saw a link on your screen.”

“You’re too suspicious. I don’t know how that got there. Some ad or something. I have not been watching porn. You have my word.”

“Oh…ok, it’s just an ad.”

Accepting blame and listening to a constant stream of denial can be crazy-making.  It is normal to feel trapped and victimized.  Where gaslighting is involved,  trust is destroyed.  

********

“I finally found comfortable shoes for work. On sale for only $20!”

“We don’t have the money for that.”

“But you bought an I-Pad and took all your friends out to dinner.”

“You don’t need new shoes, your old shoes are just fine.”

“Oh…ok, do you want me to take them back?”

Remember that you matter too. Whether someone tries to pass to you the sympathy card or victim card, the denial card or blame card, you do not have to extend your hand and join the game. 

But I don’t want to make things worse by setting a boundary. I will feel guilty.  May I suggest you are already in great pain?  

One of the strongest women I’ve met was a mother who had to remove her drug-addicted son from the home and not welcome him back no matter how he begged.  It was torment to find him at her door. Yet she stood her ground knowing she might be saving his life. Home for her and the other children  returned to peace. 

Today’s Helpful Word  

Psalm 56:10, 11

 In God, whose word I praise,
    in the Lord, whose word I praise—
 in God I trust and am not afraid.
    What can man do to me?

 

***** COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME

 

NOTE:  I am not a doctor or mental health professional. I speak only from personal experiences with and observations of mental and behavioral health challenges.  In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

If you are struggling emotionally today or feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or for a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S.  (for international emergency numbers, go here ), or go to your nearest emergency room. Hope and help are yours.

 

 

What Does “I Don’t Have a Religion, I Have a Personal Relationship with Jesus,” Mean? (and what does it have to do with mental health?) Part 2 of 2

Compassionate Love: Displaying Compassion for Those Who Struggle with Mental Illness   (c)2019 Nancy Virden, Always The Fight Ministries

person standing on slope glacier mountain
Photo by Simon Migaj on Pexels.com

To have a relationship with Jesus is to have a relationship with God. For that connection to be so personal and close, is indeed amazing. In part 1 of this post, I explained God’s side of this two-way agreement.  Today, let us discover how to react to his unending love.

Our positive and meaningful response to God

One quote from Jesus that has received a lot of press, is “Love your neighbor.” Most people seem to have heard it whether they know where it came from or not. Many probably are not aware it is only part of a powerful statement.

A man asked Jesus which one of all God’s rules and regulations was the most important. Jesus’ surprising answer was this: 

”Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength”  (Mark 12:30).

As I see it and believe other scriptures support, heart is equated with emotions, soul with faithfulness, mind with knowledge and understanding, and strength with will. We can feel sincere love for him, put him above all else, study the Bible to know him, and choose to obey his words. 

“The second is this,” Jesus continued. “‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these” (Mark 12:31).

Well, that narrows it down, doesn’t it? Our side of the relationship with God is to love him and love others. How does that look in the day-to-day?

We do what God says: 1 John 5:3 “In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome…”

We believe and love: 1 John 3:2And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us.”

We practice love: 1 John 3: 16-18 “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.”

We study the Bible as a whole: Psalm 1:1,2   “Blessed is the one… whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night.”

We study the Bible to grow our faith: Romans 10:17  “Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ.”

We pray: Romans 12:12 “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”

We do not hold back in prayer: Ephesians 6:18  “And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.”

Mental health needs to love and be loved. Love is an action, and a choice we make each day, that can overpower thoughts to the contrary. Love is not apathy. Love is what God wants. Love is who he is.

Today’s Helpful Word  

1 John 4:13-16

  “This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit.  And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God.  And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

 God is love…” 

 

***** COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME

NOTE:  I am not a doctor or mental health professional. I speak only from personal experiences with and observations of mental and behavioral health challenges.  In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

If you are struggling emotionally today or feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or for a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S.  (for international emergency numbers, go here ), or go to your nearest emergency room. Hope and help are yours.