Tag Archives: communication

Follow this Plan for Stronger Emotional Health and Relationships

Compassionate Love: Displaying Compassion for Those Who Struggle with Mental Illness   (c)2019 Nancy Virden, Always The Fight Ministries

pexels-photo-975436.jpeg
Photo by Jimmy Chan on Pexels.com

You live inside a cube with a window and door. Each of us does.

With you in your cube are what you value, and what makes you who you are. Your family, church, job, and hobby are in there. So are your favorite entertainments, and deep thoughts. In one corner is a dark spot of flaws and selfish behaviors.

All our cubes are filled in the same manner.

As you go throughout your day, bumping into other cubes, maybe annoyance grows.  Inside your private space with unchallenged ideas, you feel safe.

It is simple to dehumanize others we refuse to see.

Observe and connect

Open your window and watch from a distance superficially.  Possibly some faces look back at you making assumptions. You presume to know what they are thinking.

Communication is empty of understanding.

Ah, the door. Swing it wide and invite others in! Expose the real you. Take responsibility for your decisions. When you and at least one other person are welcome to enter and leave each other’s cubes freely, your basic human need for positive, meaningful connection will be met!

There is joyous give and take, generous communication, forgiveness, and honesty about darker egos. That is how we learn and grow.

Be emotionally healthy

You have no control over whether other cubes open. Let them go. You will not have freedom with everyone. However, it is not healthy to stay hidden inside, never reaching out, sharing, or helping.

It is not healthy to allow someone else to live in your cube trying to meet all your needs. It is equally not healthy and is dangerous to stay in another person’s cube, living for his or her happiness.

Whether family, friends, or romance, choose relationships wisely.  Within a positive and meaningful connection you need validation, to know someone values you enough to be involved, and genuine acceptance. Look for these.

A connection is ready 

Jesus offers all three.  He knows every second of your existence. This validation and acceptance is proven in Psalm 139. Jesus also showed how much he values you when he left heaven to sacrifice his body for your eternal soul.

If people in your life refuse to connect, remember you have One who always wants you to know him as he knows you.

Today’s Helpful Word  

Psalm 139: 1, 16 

“You have searched me, Lord and you know me… Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” 

***** COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME

NOTE:  I am not a doctor or mental health professional. I speak only from personal experiences with and observations of mental and behavioral health challenges.  In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

If you are struggling emotionally today or feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or for a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S.  (for international emergency numbers, go here ), or go to your nearest emergency room. Do not be alone. Hope and help are yours.

Falsely Accused? Fight for Justice With Your Best Weapon

Compassionate Love: Displaying compassion for those who struggle with mental illness   (c) 2018  Nancy Virden, Always The Fight Ministries

Jarrell drove safely over several months for a national share-a-ride service. It was working out so well he planned to do it as a flexible means of income while traveling the United States.

One evening, he received surprise news. He was fired. Answers to his plea for an explanation were simple and direct.  A rider had claimed Jarrell was driving recklessly. 

Life unravels

That was all it took – one false report from a self-absorbed liar vying for a free ride.  The growing company could afford to throw away employees, so there was no investigation. Jobless and with sinking dreams, Jarrell began a feverish search for work.

This triggered his anxiety disorder. Occasionally he was unable to function. Nearly losing his car and car insurance, the companies agreed to work with him.  Unable to pay his rent, the landlord took a financial hit as well.  Four months later, Jarrell landed a part-time job that barely pays his bills.

All this because someone casually lied.

Seeking truth

There was another player in this story besides Jarrell and the passenger. The company’s representative chose not to listen. 

Reputations are fragile. Loss of a good one can be devastating. We have all witnessed social media rip apart people’s lives while disinterestedly ignoring facts. Too often, careless rumors and assumptions are greeted with “I knew it!” instead of “let’s check the truth.”  I too have been falsely accused of behaviors out of my character. It is too bad, and sad, that some people have nothing better to do than destroy.

The best weapon

Honest and open communication is the only weapon I have found that works to restore a damaged reputation.  Jarrell’s boss shut down communication. This is the style of trolls, gossips, slanderers, and bullies as well.  

There is not much one can do when another is unwilling to hear. However,  there are those who will listen and encourage restoration.  You and I pursue justice when we refuse to sink into the ugly mire with liars. People will notice, eventually, that we are made of better stuff than false accusers imply. 

 

 

**********COMMENTS ARE ALWAYS WELCOME.

NOTE:  I am not a doctor or mental health professional. I speak only from personal experiences with and observations of mental illness, abuse, and addiction. In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

If you are struggling emotionally today or feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Hope and help are yours.

 

*car by ANA_KOLL and beach by WINCHILD on rgbstock.com

 

One Way to Keep Your Hair: Double Check

Compassionate Love: Displaying Compassion for Those Who Struggle with Mental Illness   (c)2015 Nancy Virden

Jack is a nice guy who owns a business of utmost confidentiality. He replaces hair on balding heads. This mums-the-word occupation supports the wishes of clients who do not want their bosses, co-workers, customers, or even friends to know the facts behind their thick locks. Yet even Jack does not know their whole stories.

We tend to be vaguely aware of the people around us,  and that everyone is going through something. Rarely do I see anyone doing a double-check and looking for answers beyond the superficial.

A professional relationship had frustrated me. Numerous attempts to contact this person went unanswered for months. I was paying for a resolution to an issue, and while my money kept going out, I was unclear as to any progress made on my behalf.

There was just enough communication from his office to keep me believing I was being tended to, until finally an email Tuesday afternoon indicated that a decision had been made to pursue a compromise and not the solution I thought I was paying for. His given reasoning was that he had not heard from me.

What??!!??photo-24800378-frustrated-woman

Weeks of frustration guided my tone in the voicemail message I left. I demanded answers and questioned his neglect. I felt cheated, lied to, scared, and desperate for a resolution to the original problem I had hired this person to solve. I didn’t know where I was going to turn.

This morning we finally connected and I was not surprised to hear a voice as tense as mine on the other end. I was surprised to learn he had not seen my emails. This explains why, although I sent my phone number multiple times, he continued to call the wrong number and fail to reach me.

I suspect neither of us had paused long enough to double-check why this was happening. Each of us perceived the other to be dismissive, and hence the frustration for us both.

This lack of successful communication clearly led to miscommunication until the deal, relationship, and my money are gone. This hurts me at deep practical and financial levels. Emotionally, it is a good-sized distraction from what is going well in life. I’m ready to pull my hair out.

Despite this upset, my responsibility at this juncture is to consider what to do next.

There were two famous brothers, Jacob and Esau, who had a falling out (in mild terms). Jacob later wanted to pursue an agreeable arrangement and so sent multiple gifts and an apology to his brother prior to meeting with him. I want to follow Jacob’s example in my situation.

(1) I will apologize for my negative assumptions which must be as frustrating to the other party as his are to me. I will also own the questionable tone I used in the voice mails.

(2) I will snail-mail copies of the emails to him so he can realize the scope of the problem for his own sake.

(3) I will thank him, genuinely, for what service I did receive.

(4) I will finish immediately paying up all he has earned.

(5) In light of what actually transpired and the miscommunication, I will ask him to reconsider finishing the job..

(5) I will show respect. If he doesn’t react, or in a way I would like, I will not pursue it any further.

Ah, communication. It’s the glue that holds business relationships and marriages together, and quite possibly hairs to our heads. Misunderstandings are a challenge to clean-up. They are always regrettable and worth carefully preventing.

In the face of this loss, I may have to invest more emotional energy and money starting over with someone new. Ouch. I’ll double-check all communications this time.

*************************

Comments are always welcome (see tab below).  NOTE: I am not a doctor or mental health professional. I speak only from personal experiences with and observations of mental illness. In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental health care.

If you are struggling emotionally today or feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Hope and help can be yours.

*pictures from qualitystockphotos.com