Tag Archives: confidence

Have You Learned to Not Trust Relationships? Here are 5 Other Ways to Look at It

Compassionate Love: Displaying Compassion for Those Who Struggle with Mental Illness   (c)2019 Nancy Virden, Always The Fight Ministries

woman with yellow backpack standing on hanging bridge with trees
Photo by Josh Willink on Pexels.com

Distrust in relationships is comparable to the experience of a man who has no interest in daring exploits and yet receives a gift certificate for a free bungee jumping course.

He feels some obligation to the giver and does not want to disappoint. Consequently, the wary recruit slowly makes his way to the site while the question to undertake the exercise or not lingers unresolved in his mind.

Each tentative step is agonizing. His natural inclination is to run away, however his original motive and a desire to deny his fear compels him forward.

Conversations with regular jumpers and trained professionals draw assurances it is safe. They show off the equipment as the unlikely participant handles it, tugging, and feeling its strength. It seems it might be secure.

He watches as others jump successfully and listens attentively to the experts who seem to know their sport. Only now, it is his turn. Strapped tightly to the bungee cord, he daringly allows his feet to leave solid ground.

That is when it hits him.

He is now in mid-air, his fate completely dependent on the honesty and knowledge of the people above. He might mumble an expletive under his breath at this point or scream loudly. He possibly thinks, This cord might break, or they may walk away and leave me dangling here, and it will be my fault for trusting.

Allowing built-in fears to override current reality is similar to that scenario, except that those conditioned to doubt people and fear relationships experience the walk to the bungee jump site each time they have an opportunity to trust.

Past poor judgment calls have left them sore and more apprehensive than ever. Not only do they struggle to have faith in other people, the terror of having confidence in oneself is the shaky base underneath it all.

Can this change? I say yes.

5 ways to look at trust

  1. Caution is wisdom. The first time someone reveals to you that he or she is  untrustworthy – believe it.
  2. Reconsider what you learned about trust. Is trust really all or nothing? Is everyone a liar except you?
  3. Reconsider the ones who taught you to distrust. Were they emotionally capable of trust themselves?  Were they bitter?  Are they narcissistic?
  4. Build a support system of safe people. Take your time, but do not stall out.
  5. Trust is easier once we experience it. Over the years, my trust in God’s goodness has grown. There is much more to know about his character than what some people say in reaction to difficulties. Like a beginner bungee jumper, trusting enough to take the first step toward God will open your worldview.

That first step is sincerely reaching out to his Son, Jesus.

Today’s Helpful Word  

Psalm 33: 2-5

Praise the Lord with the harp; make music to him on the ten-stringed lyre.
Sing to him a new song; play skillfully, and shout for joy. For the word of the Lord is right and true; he is faithful in all he does. The Lord loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of his unfailing love.

 

***** COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME

NOTE:  I am not a doctor or mental health professional. I speak only from personal experiences with and observations of mental and behavioral health challenges.  In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

If you are struggling emotionally today or feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or for a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S.  (for international emergency numbers, go here ), or go to your nearest emergency room. Do not be alone. Hope and help are yours.

 

 

 

 

 

Treasure Hunt! Find Value in Who You Are

Compassionate Love: Displaying compassion for those who struggle with mental illness   (c) 2018 Nancy Virden, Always The Fight Ministries

For most of life I allowed others to decide my worth. Attempts at self-esteem and confidence easily crumbled at another’s disapproval. A war of hateful and critical words took over my thoughts regularly. My hope for happiness and peace rested in the occasional genuine affirmation.

That sounds grim, does it not? Pathetic. Yet so many people live in that water world, doggy-paddling their way through wave after wave of self-loathing.  Many of those same people desperately cling to the approval of others as a lifeline.

Needing to please others is a trap. So are isolation and negative self-talk. Truth is, by noting each day a positive attribute of one’s own, we build roadways to total freedom.

It took therapy for a few years to conclude my value is inherent. So is yours. Go on a treasure hunt and discover your worth.

(1) What do you enjoy doing? If you think to yourself, “I’m boring,”  are you with friends who appreciate what you like? If not, maybe you will benefit from finding others with your interests.

(2) What are your characteristics? Did you know that each perceived “flaw” has a positive opposite that you can nurture?

  • If you repeat yourself so much that others express annoyance, find a place where talking is valued. Perhaps in long-term health facilities like nursing homes or sitting with hospitalized children,  multiple short visits may be appreciated.
  • Are you stubborn? Dig in to a worthwhile cause and use your energies for good.
  • Do you withdraw from crowds? See that as a strength and use your preference for small groups and one-on-one to become a mentor or to work in any so-necessary behind-the-scenes jobs.

(3) Pour into your belief system the truth about your value. Does someone disparage you, play games with your mind, treat you like mud? Write down and keep affirmations with you, talk to supports, read positive books, ask God to show you, refuse to fall for the lies. If you cannot leave  such a person, dismiss them as a ranting ignorant. Combat such foolishness with a list of your strengths.

(4) Live what you love. My sense of value took a strong turn toward healthy when I began again to use my gifts and talents. Art, teaching, research, writing… these are a few my joys.

This treasure hunt will take various turns and lead you a long way. The X on the spot is not a one-sure-thing that makes you valuable. No, you ARE valuable. This search is to open your heart to that truth.

Psalm 25:5 

Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long.

  **********COMMENTS ARE ALWAYS WELCOME.

NOTE:  I am not a doctor or mental health professional. I speak only from personal experiences with and observations of mental illness, abuse, and addiction. In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

If you are struggling emotionally today or feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Hope and help are yours.