Tag Archives: human value

3 Basic Human Needs for Positive and Meaningful Connections

Compassionate Love: Displaying Compassion for Those Who Struggle with Mental Illness   (c)2019 Nancy Virden, Always The Fight Ministries

One of our most basic human needs is positive, meaningful connections with other people. Within those connections we also need to give and receive three irreplaceable gifts.

Validation

Validation is simply agreement that what one has or is experiencing matters. No judgment is necessary.

Validation is crucial, especially when it comes to overcoming emotional pain. A psychologist told me he has “never really seen anyone be able to move on without validation.”

In the face of someone’s expression of emotions (even if these emotions seem confusing), it is validating to say, “That makes sense.” We can always agree that if we shared this person’s perceptive, we might have similar feelings.

As we listen to stories of lived experiences, “I believe you” or “sounds like a big deal” are validating. Once again, if we doubt the details, we can agree that to the one speaking,  it is a big deal.

Investment in one’s value

To feel valued, we need to know sweet words will be backed by selfless action. A superficial connection may have warm and fuzzy feelings in it. It may have sexual pleasure and promises. Anyone can carelessly say, ‘You mean so much to me.’

Investment in our value is much rarer.  A person who is willing to believe in us, and who offers time and energy toward our best interests, is investing in our value.  It is our worth, not usefulness, that keeps him or her involved. Someone who values you this much will also draw healthy boundaries.

Acceptance

Sincere, non-critical acceptance embraces others merely as members of humanity. It  separates a person’s right to choose from his or her specific behaviors.

Sincere acceptance comes from the heart. It does not play games. It says, “I recognize you are you and I am me. We do not have to be the same for me to respect your right to choose.” Non-critical acceptance focuses on a person’s innate value and does not try to force change.  

We can embrace a person without sharing their values. Love is still our choice if faced with another’s difficult situation or personality.  Acceptance is not lack of boundaries; it simply refuses to hate. 

An invitation

Our mutual human need for meaningful connection is met by one beautiful Biblical teaching. Romans 12:14 says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.”  Practicing this validates experiences and emotions. It invests in human value. Finally, it accepts people without judgment. 

Let’s learn to be like that to each other.

Today’s Helpful Word  

Romans 15:7

“Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you,

in order to bring praise to God.”

 

***** COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME

NOTE:  I am not a doctor or mental health professional. I speak only from personal experiences with and observations of mental and behavioral health challenges.  In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

If you are struggling emotionally today or feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or for a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S.  (for international emergency numbers, go here ), or go to your nearest emergency room. Do not be alone. Hope and help are yours.

 

 

 

 

What is Your Criteria for Measuring a Person’s Value?

Compassionate Love: Displaying compassion for those who struggle with mental illness   (c)2014 Nancy Virden

Recently, I wrote a true story about a 65 year-old woman in Haiti who was left at a major hospital. She was abandoned due to her family’s lack of ability to care for her. This is not a new problem in that country as poverty rips families apart. 

This has me thinking. While leaving family members to the care of medical personnel is an act of love and desperation in the above scenario, how many times do we set people aside for more selfish reasons?  

Who is worth our investment of time and emotional energy? It is true, none of us can be everywhere or helping everyone. Yet that fact can be used as an excuse to do nothing. We are cushioned by our choice to remain unaware.

Here are four criteria on which we may base judgement of the value of another person.

Behavior.  Adam Levine of The Voice has Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). If his history was anything like what I observed when I worked with children, his lack of focus may have caused his parents to lose patience. I knew one little guy who was moved from home to home of relatives because as one family “got sick of him,” he would transfer to the next. Yes, they said that to his face.

Perceived potential.  Age, financial stability, and education are three criteria by which people are judged superficially. My father is 83 and living in a nursing home far from where I am. He is organizing entertainment as he has all his life, making the place happier for many.  I have a favorite relative managing per month on what many of us would expect to be paid in a week. She is tolerant and kind, helping neighbors and taking in people who need a place to stay. I graduated college later in life. Now with a bachelor’s degree, some people treat me differently.

Intelligence. I have an aunt who has lived in a state-run home since she was twelve. Somewhere around the age of four she stopped developing mentally. There are people who have devoted their lives to helping her and others like her to experience as much of life as they can. Recently I heard a woman brag about her IQ. How proud we are to take credit for something for which we had no choice! Higher intelligence raises the bar for social responsibility.  

Emotional Stability. Two Sundays ago, I visited a church and heard the pastor say to his congregation that he hopes people who call him are at least emotionally stable. Was he joking? I don’t care. All too often, when we do not know what to do or say, the easiest response is to write a person off as “too much.” 

Compassionate love does not try (or believe it possible) to fix everyone. Yet compassionate love attempts to learn about and see another person’s value as God’s creation.

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NOTE: I am not a doctor or mental health professional. I speak only from personal experiences with and observations of mental illness. In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental health care.

If you are struggling emotionally today or feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Hope and help can be yours.