Tag Archives: social

Bad News, Good News: How to Change Your Perspective When a Relationship Ends

Compassionate Love: Displaying compassion for those who struggle with mental illness   (c) 2018  Nancy Virden, Always The Fight Ministries

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Good news and bad news are matters of perspective. 

Bad news:  Friendships and marriages do not always last.  

Good news:  We have power over our response.

One possibility is to hide.  In our houses, under a workload, or staring at a phone, we can wear cold smiles, vowing no one again will get close enough to cause us pain.  Such a decision rarely works for our best.  Loneliness grows when we disconnect.  

A healthier choice is to reach out despite our feelings. Bruised and weak,  anger, confusion, self-loathing, or a depressed mood may fill our days.  Making a call,  sending a text,  or meeting up with friends is challenging when we hurt. It is risky too.

Yet this is the very reason  to reach out. We need support, second opinions, and distraction from our troubled thoughts. 

Create your good news

How does one reach out knowing something unpleasant might happen? We just do.  A therapist once suggested that to fight isolation I go to a convenience store late at night and chat with a clerk. Going to church, speaking with co-workers, attending a local game – each idea has merit. Sometimes helping others through volunteerism is a positive way to escape a self-protective cage. 

Small steps are monumental when recovering from damaged trust. Since emotional safety does matter, take time to observe a person in social situations before leaping into a full friendship. Listen for clues to his or her attitude and notice character traits.  Once the safety test is passed, seize the opportunity to trust again. It is the best bet we have.

When a friendship or marriage is lost, we may feel alone. This can change. Let us hope instead of hide, and find as well as be the kind of people we want to know.

 **********COMMENTS ARE ALWAYS WELCOME.

NOTE:  I am not a doctor or mental health professional. I speak only from personal experiences with and observations of mental illness, abuse, and addiction. In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

If you are struggling emotionally today or feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Hope and help are yours.

 

From All Alone to Not Alone and How to Get There

 Compassionate Love: Displaying compassion for those who struggle with mental illness (c)2014 Nancy Virden

handsEveryone’s abandoned me. I’m all alone.

Sound familiar? Perhaps they have been in your unexpressed thoughts. They are old foes in my brain.  Nursing them has never been helpful. Yet in the midst of great pain and loneliness, rejection (perceived or real) makes them seem true and terminal.

When I first moved to where I am now, I knew no one. The following year I grew majorly depressed. Because isolation is a symptom of depression,  the few people I’d come to know I was turning away. The day I chose to end my life I was invited to meet a woman for tea. No kidding, I canceled the appointment in despair thinking,  I am so lonely! I have no one! Where is my support?

Major Depression robs us of reason. In the throes of it we can see only a minute part of the world around us. We may be dismayed at how much we do not care about anything except our suffering, but Major Depression turns even that to self-hate, I’m a horrible person. This focus is tough to challenge when the very nature of our problem is illness of the brain.

Over the last three and a half years professionals have encouraged and prodded me to reach out, build support, find safe people, pursue those who pursue me, and leave others behind. Regardless how I feel,  one tiny step leads to the next. One small decision makes way for another. When I am lonely a step toward people is hard but doable.  Fear of reaching out drives me to take that step toward safe people. 

There are and always will be people who erroneously consider themselves supportive, yet make us feel worse. Their best efforts are useless because they focus on “fixing” us. In worst-case scenarios some people actually do not care about our struggle. 

Compassionate love is out there and by taking a step toward it, it will take a step toward you as well. Give it time, and keep walking.

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NOTE: I am not a doctor or mental health professional. I speak only from personal experiences with and observations of mental illness. In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental health care.

If you are struggling emotionally today or feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Hope and help can be yours.

*picture from qualitystockphotos