Compassionate Love Blog: Displaying compassion for those who fight mental illness, addiction, and abuse (c)2018 Nancy Virden, Always the Fight Ministries
Emily* was ill. Mentally and physically exhausted, much of her time at Timberline Knolls Rehabilitation Treatment Center was spent asleep or curled up on a couch in the lounge. On those occasions she did rise, her efforts at connection and function were heroic.
One afternoon, she and I were the first to arrive at a large group therapy room. No one in a rehab is at their best, obviously. However, conversation was cordial and sedate.
Suddenly, Emily threw herself into a huge bear hug and buried her head. She began rocking back and forth. Soon, she had turned her back to the room, trying to hide from the danger, pain, terror, and false-guilt that accompanied her flashback.
No doubt in her thoughts she was a child again, feeling all the sensations of abuse. Her momentary reality was darkness, a hand reaching through the black, her survival threatened.
Sitting next to her I began to whisper. “Emily, it is ok now. You are safe. You are at Timberline Knolls. People care about you here. Your head is on a fireplace hearth, your body is on carpet. No one is hurting you. Girls who care about you are all around. You are not alone. You are safe here.”
Continuing along those lines for a few minutes, eventually Emily started to come out of it. When her horrible flashback ended, she was quiet, yet present.
What you can do
With all the news in the last week about sexual abuse in the Catholic church, PTSD is affecting many men, women, and children. Not only victims of that scandal are suffering. Any previous victims of sexual or other kinds of abuse may find normal days interupted. They see or hear the news, and Bam! Unwillingly, they are tossed back to a time and place they long to forget.
You may witness this. Please do not tell a person experiencing a flashback to shake it off or just give it to God. Instead, express your care and love, and help them refocus on the here and now. One way to do that is to start describing the room you are both in and the people who are there. Offer assurance they are safe.
Knee-jerk reactions like “get on with it'” or “quit feeling sorry for yourself” dismiss what is happening. A tortured mind, often complete with body sensation memories, is temporarily overwhelmed. To treat this like an attitude problem undercuts healing.
Mention there is no danger. If their pet is nearby, bring it over. Draw attention to what his or her five senses are experiencing in the present. Disburse any hovering crowd. Keep your words and tone gentle, calm, and positive.
Later, after this person feels more grounded and less fearful, offer to help him or her give it to God by briefly praying together. Say, “You are not alone.” Never suggest they are failing somehow.
Compassionate love meets people where they are in the moment.
Today’s Helpful Word
Romans 12: 15
Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.
***** COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME
NOTE: I am not a doctor or mental health professional. I speak only from personal experiences with and observations of mental and behavioral health challenges. In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.
If you are struggling emotionally today or feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or for a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.
If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. (for international emergency numbers, go here ), or go to your nearest emergency room. Do not be alone. Hope and help are yours.
*b/w butterfly by XYMONAU ; yellow butterfly by CLIOVON, both on rgbstock.com
*not their real names