Tag Archives: value

6 Steps to Overcoming False, Negative Messages About You

Compassionate Love: Displaying Compassion for Those Who Struggle with Mental Illness   (c)2019 Nancy Virden, Always The Fight Ministries

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Some baggage from messages learned in childhood is severely heavy, others less. Even the kindest parents were imperfect. In our childish minds we may have misinterpreted what was meant to be helpful.

Society failed to teach us emotional safety or the truth about the inherent value of human life. The church failed to present a pure gospel devoid of man-made rules. Other individuals disappointed us in myriad ways, because this is a fallen world. 

Regardless the source or reason, some negative messages became false core beliefs. 

Message: “You never get anything right”   

Experience: You make a mistake

Repetitious self-talk: “I knew it. I never get anything right.”

A belief starts with a message. Experience has to back it up whether it is only our perception or reality. Then we have to repeat the message to ourselves. That is how a belief starts; otherwise the message remains only a thought.

These beliefs, often buried deep inside and out of sight, strongly affect our decisions.  Meanwhile, we are responsible for what we do with what we have been given and taught. 

6 steps to overcoming false, negative core beliefs

1. Ask, “What do I believe about myself that is negative?” Write it down.

2. Question the messages. “Were they true?”  Reconsider using terms like “always” or “never”.  If you believe you never do anything right, look about you and write down all you have accomplished in the last 48 hours. No matter how small you think the accomplishment, it is evidence to the contrary of “never”.

In the case of any belief, evidence will crumble on the false side.  It may feel more comfortable to stick to familiar beliefs. That does not make them true. 

3. List all the evidence that defies negative beliefs about yourself.

4. Ask, “Do I know who taught me these negative messages?”   Y/N    Name them. 

5. Question the messengers. Are they mature and responsible? Are they liars? Narcissistic? Are they emotionally capable of realistic insight?  Maybe they are repeating unchallenged false, negative core beliefs of their own. 

What if they were wrong? That changes everything, doesn’t it?

6. I invite you to find God’s evidence of the truth about you. In the Bible are many passages proclaiming his unending love, and the sacrifices he made to have YOU with him forever if you will so choose.  

Today’s Helpful Word  

Proverbs 20:5

“The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters,

but one who has insight draws them out.”

 

***** COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME

NOTE:  I am not a doctor or mental health professional. I speak only from personal experiences with and observations of mental and behavioral health challenges.  In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

If you are struggling emotionally today or feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or for a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S.  (for international emergency numbers, go here ), or go to your nearest emergency room. Do not be alone. Hope and help are yours.

 

 

Treasure Hunt! Find Value in Who You Are

Compassionate Love: Displaying compassion for those who struggle with mental illness   (c) 2018 Nancy Virden, Always The Fight Ministries

For most of life I allowed others to decide my worth. Attempts at self-esteem and confidence easily crumbled at another’s disapproval. A war of hateful and critical words took over my thoughts regularly. My hope for happiness and peace rested in the occasional genuine affirmation.

That sounds grim, does it not? Pathetic. Yet so many people live in that water world, doggy-paddling their way through wave after wave of self-loathing.  Many of those same people desperately cling to the approval of others as a lifeline.

Needing to please others is a trap. So are isolation and negative self-talk. Truth is, by noting each day a positive attribute of one’s own, we build roadways to total freedom.

It took therapy for a few years to conclude my value is inherent. So is yours. Go on a treasure hunt and discover your worth.

(1) What do you enjoy doing? If you think to yourself, “I’m boring,”  are you with friends who appreciate what you like? If not, maybe you will benefit from finding others with your interests.

(2) What are your characteristics? Did you know that each perceived “flaw” has a positive opposite that you can nurture?

  • If you repeat yourself so much that others express annoyance, find a place where talking is valued. Perhaps in long-term health facilities like nursing homes or sitting with hospitalized children,  multiple short visits may be appreciated.
  • Are you stubborn? Dig in to a worthwhile cause and use your energies for good.
  • Do you withdraw from crowds? See that as a strength and use your preference for small groups and one-on-one to become a mentor or to work in any so-necessary behind-the-scenes jobs.

(3) Pour into your belief system the truth about your value. Does someone disparage you, play games with your mind, treat you like mud? Write down and keep affirmations with you, talk to supports, read positive books, ask God to show you, refuse to fall for the lies. If you cannot leave  such a person, dismiss them as a ranting ignorant. Combat such foolishness with a list of your strengths.

(4) Live what you love. My sense of value took a strong turn toward healthy when I began again to use my gifts and talents. Art, teaching, research, writing… these are a few my joys.

This treasure hunt will take various turns and lead you a long way. The X on the spot is not a one-sure-thing that makes you valuable. No, you ARE valuable. This search is to open your heart to that truth.

Psalm 25:5 

Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long.

  **********COMMENTS ARE ALWAYS WELCOME.

NOTE:  I am not a doctor or mental health professional. I speak only from personal experiences with and observations of mental illness, abuse, and addiction. In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

If you are struggling emotionally today or feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Hope and help are yours.

“Counted as Nothing at All…” 4 Choices Lead to a Life of Significance. Part Two

Compassionate Love: Displaying Compassion for Those Who Struggle with Mental Illness   (c)2017 Nancy Virden, Always The Fight Ministries

Do you want to know your life is important? In part one of this four-part series, I recommended you choose how you want to feel. Do you want to view yourself as minimally significant, or would you prefer to feel that each day of your life counts?

Here is part two of your four choices that lead to a meaningful existence. 

(2) Choose your measuring stick

In early America, measuring was arbitrary. A yard of fabric for instance, was measured from the elbow to the tips of one’s fingers. Fabric merchants would sometimes hire help with short arms to cut and sell the product. 

The government’s Weights and Measures Department was founded about the same time as 36 inches was adopted as the official yard. Now we have yard sticks.  

We all have measuring sticks by which we judge human behavior. A sense of personal value may raise or lower depending whether we meet our standards or not. 

Phyllis used to work with young people. Her job was vital to an entire community. She deserves a relaxing retirement, yet she misses helping others. She enjoys being needed. 

Then why does she waste time now? In part one I introduced you to her,  a retiree who hides from public view as much as possible. Her measuring stick is the opinions of others. Supposedly, if her weight were under control she would find a means of interacting with the world. 

Other popular yet temporary measuring sticks include money, fame, the approval of others, and achievement.  Problem is, money goes away in an instant sometimes. Positive opinions of others fail to hold us up because opinions change, and so does how we react to them.  Setting goals helps with motivation, yet  they are subject to shifting perceptions and moods.  A standard by which to build a more meaningful life depends on its permanence. 

You, Phyllis, and I can choose to believe that unseen does not equal unimportant. Regret and failure are not the end of a story. Proof of this is in millions of people’s stories all over the world. Notice those.  Take in that you have options.   

Ultimately, I care about God’s out-of-the-box point of view. 

“Remember, dear brothers and sisters, that few of you were wise in the world’s eyes or powerful or wealthy when God called you. Instead, God chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose things that are powerless to shame those who are powerful. God chose things despised by the world, things counted as nothing at all, and used them to bring to nothing what the world considers important. As a result, no one can ever boast in the presence of God.”  (1 Corinthians 1: 26-29, italics mine).

By allowing God to define what is great, I have reassurance in my worst moments of discouragement. 

Be assured, your life’s significance is not in question. Perhaps how you measure significance keeps you stuck.   

Stay tuned for your next choice that leads to knowing you matter.

Today’s Helpful Word

Genesis 1: 27-31

So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them…  God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. “

 

You Have Value! 6 Ways to Honor Yourself Without Being Jerk

Compassionate Love Blog: Displaying compassion for those who struggle with mental illness   (c)2017  Nancy Virden, Always the Fight Ministries

What does honor look like?  

Most of us know it when we see it. Honor is courageous in harm’s way. It practices priorities despite temptations to settle for instant gratification.  Honor is honest when it is painful, and hesitates to make a promise because it will be, you know, honored.  The basic truism about honor is it values other people. 

Does that mean it is dishonorable to consider one’s own value?

We have all met braggarts who bellow and try to commandeer respect. Gossipers often want to make themselves look good by putting others down. Those behaviors are not honorable, but self-centered. Generally, people who engage in them are perceived as jerks.

What does it mean to honor yourself? 

  • Honor your boundaries. You cannot control what other people choose to do. However, refusing maltreatment is one way to honor yourself.
  • Get your basic needs met.  Developing a safe support system and using it will satisfy many emotional needs. Physical self-care too honors your body. 
  • Choose kind self-talk. Defending your value and speaking with respect are ways to be courteous to yourself. 
  • Treat yourself.  What nice, healthy gift can you offer to you? 
  • Praise yourself for a job well done. Admit when you make progress, but most of this is to be kept to yourself. Develop the character trait of humility.
  • Honoring ourselves includes honoring our values, because no one likes a phony, especially if that phony is in the mirror. 

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NOTE: I am not a doctor or mental health professional. I speak only from personal experiences with and observations of mental illness. In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental health care.

If you are struggling emotionally today or feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Hope and help is yours.